Julie Morley   (MNCS Accred, Hyp.dip, dip.psysextherapy, Adv.dip.CP)

Personal Psychotherapist

Market Deeping, Peterborough, UK

Mob: 07761 065 726    Email: [email protected]

Personal Psychotherapy Practice

Personal Psychotherapy,   Counselling,   Psychotherapeutic Coaching,

Relationship Therapy, Psychosexual Coaching, Insomnia Therapy

Interesting Therapeutic Notes and Reminders about your Therapy

This items on this page serve as reminders about things we all need to do to take care of our psychological wellbeing and lessen the impact of physical or emotional stress in our lives.  


You may or may not have done some or all of the aspects shown here and don't worry if you havent.


I suggest that you keep a note of this page and you can browse it as a reminder and then choose one or more items depending on draws your attention from the 'menu'.  It is good for us to know about these management techniques (and do them) and I will update this page over time as science adds more to the development of our health and wellbeing management.


Some items are things that can help reduce uncomfortable symptoms of stress in the body and also calm the mind and others are reminders about some of the things in therapy you may have learned which goes towards staying emotionally balanced (or not if you're going to own that).  Sometimes it might be that you may need to have a bit more personal therapy about something, especially if it is emotional, complex or trauma you have experienced.


Click These Links to remember these tools that aid wellbeing.


Your Therapeutic Rights as a Human Being


The Maslow Triangle


Feeling words to help work out how you feel.


16 Personalities Test


How to Listen Effectively


How to Breath Effectively


The FULL Sleep & Insomnia Workbook


The Cafe Personality Activity


Decoding Your Dreams using the latest Psychology Theories



Remember these Exercises we probably did which breaks down aspects of our external events.

  • Your Wheel of Life, which broke down your life in to its areas.
  • The recognising of others when they are rude, manipulative or abusive. Lots on the internet about this.
  • The learning we did about meeting your own needs and boundaries about meeting the needs of others.
  • The learning we did around being assertive enough to make, hold and keep boundaries healthy for you.
  • Relationship Overview Exercise (about rating the relationship areas in relation to ther other person)

During Times of Stress

IMPROVE YOUR SLEEP


• Turn all communication devices to silent and do not disturb.

• Routine, relaxing before bedtime

• Warm milk or Ovaltine/Horlicks & a carboohydrate based snack can be good (biscuits, cereal, crackers, banana).

• Bath, Massage

• Avoid looking at games consoles or any screens 2-3 hours before trying to sleep. Screen protectors are OK, but the stimulation from just interacting with the devices can also prevent us getting to sleep.

If these things are not helping then more sleep focussed work can be done in therapy.


Remember to use YouTube recordings to help you relax and sleep.

NUTRITION & SUBSTANCES


REDUCE: Caffeine, over the counter medicines, Alcohol, Salt intake, Sugar


INCREASE:

Vitamin B’s- either eat more foods with Vitamin B's in or take a vitamin B complex suppliment.


EAT:

Regular meals and if this has been difficult lately, eat little and often. Even if it is just milk, yoghurt, fruit, toast.


DRINK:

Fluid Intake- Drink more Water & Herbal teas.


Learn more about nutrition if this interests you.


EXERCISE


Cardiovascular:

Walking, Running, The gym, Swimming, Cycling, Dancing,

(Obviously we don't always feel like this when were not in a good place, but even brief regular walking each day can be highly beneficial).


AND


Strength Building:

Gardening, The gym & Weights

Exercise helps burn off energy, excess stress hormones, irritation and improve sleep.


Sometimes its better to feel strong than aim for a particular size or body shape.

ADULT BEDTIME STORIES

Just type that into YouTube and zone out and maybe fall asleep to these highly medative recordings.


REGULAR MASSAGE or REFLEXOLOGY

Massage has many health benfits and there are different types. 
Indian Head and face massage, Full Body massage, back massage, Back with legs.  Massage using hot stones, aromatherapy oils which can be tailored to improe your mood or particular ailment.


REFLEXOLOGY is massage and maniplation of pressure points in the feet to prmote healing in different parts of the body.



PROGRESSIVE RELAXATION


For uncomfortable stress related physical symptoms like tight throat, nervous feelings in the body, shaking, nausea, insomnia, tension etc


Search for:

PMR- Progressive Muscle Relaxation. This can interupt the Fight or Flight response and the relaxatio involved promotes healing.


Click here to go to a popular one

BREATH PROPERLY


If you've been busy or experiencing some stress we tend to breath with our upper chest.


Breathing properly, informs our brain that things are OK and we are safe and so its good for us to remember to practice more of this during time of stress or if were feeling anxiety, any time really.  Through life, regularly check in on your breathing habits.


Remember to balance carbondioxide / Oxygen by breathing inand out with a paper bag or thick material


Click here for a reminder or use the PMR recordings on YouTube

YOUTUBE RECORDINGS


Access Self-Help on YouTube

Search for:


• "Adult Bedtime Stories" to help get to sleep


• "PMR meditations" -Progressive Muscle Relaxation -ideal for physical stress symptpms and Sleep


• "Hypnotherapy for Stress or Anxiety or Depression (You can type hypnotherapy followed by any word you like to see what you get)


These recordings are varied and there are many. Find voices you like listening to.

HYPNOSIS


Self Hypnosis is accepted by the scientific and medical commnuity as a healthy, healing, relaxing technique which can improve your mood, promote healing, health and wellbeing. It can improve the relationship between your body and mind and promote our inner sense of self.


You can access Hypnotherapy recordings on YouTube and they can talk you through the trace process. 

Search for

'Hypnotherapy for Stress'

or

'Hypnotherapy for healing'

or

'Hypnotherapy for energy'

Addressing Life Balance in General

CREATIVITY

Humans have a natural desire to create whether this is through cooking, sewing, music, web design, re-arranging a room, sorting a wardrobe or gardenning projects.


It is proven that using our creativity promotes wellbeing.



SENSATION SEEKING

Each person has a level of need in relation to sensation seeking and stimulation. If you've ha therapy with me you are likely to know where you sit on this scale.


This can not be ignored. If youre being too overstimulated for your level you may feel stressed, and if you are not getting enough your mood can drop and frustration can set in.

MUSIC

Play the music you like. Music can change a mood or you can put music on to match your mood.

Dancing to it in the privacy of your lounge can also be therapeutic.




GET OUT OF THE HOUSE


Too much time in one place creates boredom and low mood. Each person has a different level of needs when it comes to visual stimulation. Remember what yours is and make sure you get out to change your view.



SOCIAL CONTACT


We all have a level of social contact that suits us and yours might be a high need or lower need and you may prefer one to one company or groups.  Loud crowds or quiet


We do things with our friends and so identify which friends like to do things that you like.  So you may have a friend you go for meals with and a friend who likes the same movies.  A friend who likes to try restaurants or a friend you swim with. 


Remember if we fall out with a friend, or lose our social group or a friend dies or leaves our town, this can impact us emotionally more than we think.

INTERESTS AND HOBBIES


Men tend to have more hobbies than women but we do all have interests and hobbies. Here are some examples.


Sport, Health, Fashion, sewing, reading, making music, racing cars, riding motorbikes, animals, looking after pets, interior design, medical science, gardenning, woodwork, metalwork, trains, boats, caligraphy, amateur dramatics, flower arranging etc etc >infinity


WORK LIFE BALANCE


Some people have to be careful not to overwork or only work.  If we like what we do this can get addictive and we can lose balance in our lives. We will have looked at this in therapy but sometimes it's easy to accidentally find ourselves working too much.


 

SUPPORT NETWORKS


If you are struggling with an issue that has happened in life,  then choose a person to speak to about it.  You may find that one person would be good to talk about one thing but a different person to talk about another.


A problem shared really can be a problem halved, but only if you're talking to a suitable person.

ACCESS CULTURE & THE ARTS


Part of our lifestyle is about accessing culture and the arts.  This can be done on a small scale like sitting outside a cafe or something bigger like travelling to another culture and doing what they do instead.


GROUPS INTEREST / TEAM SPORT


As humans we thrive well when we are engaged in an interest where other like-minded people are into the same things.  This can be a sport like football, watching motorbike racing, skating, fishing and it can be interests instead of sports, like craft groups, rambling, bird watching, space observation, reading groups, bike riding, pet groups and the list is endless.

 LIFE STYLE


Regularly through life we need to attend to our lifestyles. How do we want to live and adjustments may need to be made.


Once we settle it is often the case that we are not content for long and are ready for change.


In relation to stress, if we have too much going on, see how we can reduce things down to more manageable levels, delegate to others or simply stop doing some of the stuff for others- without feeling guilty.

INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION


Each person has a level of need in  relation to intellectual stimulation and or learning.  This might be a psychological thriller one night, a documentary a different night or doing work on an online course or reading a book. 

Some intellectual stimulation might need to be got from other like-minded people and can not be got from anywhere else.  Find like minded people.

COMMUNITY


As humans are social animals being a part of the community and putting something back into it brings us a sense of position and worth.


As we get older this tends to get more important.

For Grandparents this is often energy that is put into grandchildren in some way.

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS


There is often pressure on us to do or attend things that actually, we would rather not do. 


In therapy we may have looked at your 'nightclub' and VIP group which comes into play here and also done some work around how to say no without feeling guilty or fibbing.


We may have looked at our personal need and tollerance of engagements, entertainment and desires in this area.

CHANGE  v STAY THE SAME


As humans we have an inner desire for change coupled with a deeper instinctive desire to stay the same and conserve energy and this comes from a brain/ mind process that says, if you're alive and survived this far, don't change anything.


Therefore change can also bring anxiety and /or excitement.

Sometimes however, change can be forced upon us by life and this is often a more negative feeling.

Remember that with every change there is loss and with every loss comes some change.

THE MID-LIFE CRISIS IDEA


Mid life crisis can happen at anytime in life and amounts to a realisation that we want something different from our lives. To have one, doesn't mean that what youre feeling you want to do is not right for you as others may suggest to you, but it does show you that you have a need for change and this may be big or small.


Managing our ailments or Illneses

Illnesses, Ailments and Conditions


We all have ailments that can be just bothersome or affect us significantly and some of us may also have a significant health condition that needs attention but at times these can get us down.


In therapy we are likely to have done work around how to accept and then manage our condition.

If your condition changes, you can use the same process to accept and manage as what we did in therapy.


On-line Support Groups


It can be a good idea to join an online support group if you are diagnosed with a physical condition but they dont tend to work so well for a psychological or emotional or mental health issue.

The groups for physical conditions can provide signposting, information and support and sharing and reassurance from others who have or are experiencing similar things to you.


Self Help Books


Some are good and some are not but any kind of self help is good in general. It can educate us and provide some useful thoughts and skills.


Recommendations from like minded people can be particularly good.

Supporting Activities


Many physical activities can support ailments and also significant health conditions.


Some of these activities can include:

Yoga, Pilates, Thai Chi, walking, swimming, meditation, your favourite sporting activity, gardenning, dog walking, cycling or gentle exercises like stretching, weight bearing exercise, and general activity throughout the day.

Reminders about our Internal Psychological Processes

PSYCHO-EDUCATION AND INTERNET INFORMATION


Remember that much of what is out there on the public domain in relation to mental health and /or psychology can be helpful but it can not provide the solutions for more complex issues that are individual to each person. Their is a tendancy to label things and can not look at your individual full picture.


So make sure resources you use come from a quality source and not magazine type of articles and don't take information as black and white explanatins or solutions. But they can help us explore and point us in the right direction and educate us on some stuff.


LIFE SCRIPTS
We internalise experiences to make sense of the world especially when young and we form ourselves some scripts to live by but some are not helpful.  Examples like:


'All Men are Bastards'

'I never succeed in anything'

'My sibling is always better than me'

 'I'm not all that clever'

'I must be perfect at everything'


CONTENTMENT


Often we are searching for happiness, but actually its more likely that what we seek is contentment.

Humans are generally not content for long but the contentment within us that comes with the therapy you have likely done with me, is a more deeper sense which carries us while we ride the waves of life.


This is about validating ourselves and not looking to others. owning our behaviours and responses and being able to communicate effectively and meet our own needs in the various ways that we do.


CORE BELIEFS & COMPLEXES

We may have done work on your core beliefs.  We all have them and some may have been unhelpful ones such as:


'I an unloveable'

'I'm not good enough'

'I am not worthy'

'I am worthless'

'I am not important'


TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS


This is often a very powerful lesson in psychotherapy and can be life changing in our relationships and how we interact with other people.


So this involves our modes of:


Authoritarian Parent

Nurturing Parent


Adult


Free Child

Obedient Child


We are likely to have looked at this in therapy if it was relevent and helps us to understand parts of ourselves and others and choose to make changes in how to interact with others.

THE DEVIL AND ANGEL ON OUR SHOULDERS


Remember your learning about 3 of our main internal psychological parts where the Id is your instinctive part wanting to meet our desires regardless of anything else, our Superego being like our conscience which desires to 'do the right thing' (often a lot like our early parental voice that we have internalised) and the Ego which is our thinking part which tries to reduce conflict between these two because it can create anxiety.

(And remember everyone else has this going on for them too and each person has individual degrees of moral compasses and personal values and beliefs).


Here is a video reminder, copy and paste this onto Google.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Vs8uE8_02EId, Ego and Superego

OUR INTERNAL PARTS


In therapy you may have done some work about the dirfferent parts of you / your psyche / your mind that function to manage life.


Remember these parts and at any time you can reassess how we balanced them and you can continue to work on this balance as you continue through life.


PERSONALITY & SELF UNDERSTANDING


Hopefully through therapy you learned a lot about yourself as an individual and worked on your own neurosis's, personal proessing, triggers, and how your history bought you to where you are now.


Your belief systems, your life script and how these feed in to how you function. Hopefully we worked on altering some of these processes to serve you better.


This can be an endless journey that you can step into at any time through your life as you develop through lifes stages.



Psychological Defences

We all have internal Psychological defences, some of which we may be unconscious of.   We are often more easily aware of other's defences than our own because these are unconscious responses (until we become more self aware during therapy)


Hopefully after some time in therapy you have become aware of your own and so can adapt them to be somewhat more balanced, or some may have gone or evolved depending on your therapy and personality type and other factors. Here are some of the most common defences you may have learned about.

NARCISSISTIC TYPES OF DEFENCES


Black and White Thinking

This involves believing that things are literally one way or the other. A person is good or bad. A food is good or bad. People's bodies are perfect or revolting. A person must be a certain way and not anything different. In therapy we hopefully will have addressed some of your own black and white thinking processes and created many more grey areas.


Projection

To avoid seeing your own faults but to project them onto someone else instead. For example calling someone out for expressing frustration or being stressed when you don't deal with stress or frustration well yourself and so you don't like watching others do it.

PATHOLOGICAL TYPES OF DEFENCES


Denial

A refusal to acknowledge reality because its too threatening, including denial of own negative, inappropriate, harmful or difficult behaviours.


Delusional Projection

Delusions about external reality, usually of a persecutory nature.


Distortion

A gross reshaping of external reality to meet internal needs. For example believing oneself to have a higher level of importance than other people, believing others are .


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IMMATURE TYPES OF DEFENCES


Regression

To regress to behave or think at a younger age so as to feel better. Like a child may start wetting the bed after finding out their parents are having a new baby.


Somatization

To have a real physical ailment so as to avoid a situation for example getting a headache before an exam.


Introjection 

To act and behave and look like someone else one admires can be easier than presenting as oneself.


Fantasy

To retreat into a fantasy world so as to avoid reality despite the person not being pathologically delusional.  For example to pretend everything is wonderful and everyone is lovely and nothing bad exists, or to believe one is always watched over or follwoed by unseen entities like angels or demons.




ANXIETY /STRESS BASED DEFENCES (NEUROTIC)


Intellectualisation

To intellectualise about a situation is to use our thinking brain to summarise about a situation so as to avoid anxiety provoking emotions or connection with others on an emotional level. For some this becomes a big part of their way of being which can at some point cause relationship issues and, or anxiety or depression issues.


Passive Aggression

An indirect way to be angry at someone and make it known to them, without the skill set to express anger directly and effecively.


Repression

When a feeling is forced from consciousness because it is considered socially acceptable. For example when a child has to repress anger to appease parental /carer/societies aggression or diapproval.


Isolation of effect

This is where an emotional response seems absent or inapproriate EG not showing devastation at the funeral of a loved one but remaining straight faced and appearing to have no reaction.

ANXIETY /STRESS BASED DEFENCES CONTINUED...


Rationalization

To use Rational to explain away something that is indesirable.  EG After an unsuccessful job interview, 'I didn't want that job anyway.


Minimization

To reduce something to something of lesser value so as to make it fit with what we would orefer. EG Girls don;t get headaches, or 'of course youre OK' or 'Youre making a mountain out of a  molehill'


Undoing


Disassociation

To remove oneself from reality of a situation to protect ones psyche, emotions or physical body.


Displacement

To be annoyed, angry or irritated at something or someone and to take it out on someone else (rather than to direct it to where it should be in a mature way)..


Acting Out 

Emotional outbursts or distress or anger to avoid or detract self or others from reality.


Confusion

To become 'confused' when something is becoming intollerable and you don't want to deal with it or hear it.


.


MATURE TYPES OF DEFENCES

Altruism

Is where a person works to help others which can be due to help manage their own personal past or internal states and they feel pleasure and satisfaction from it.


Anticipation

Realistic planning for future discomfort


Sublimination

This is where people channel unhelpful emotions or instincts into something healthy or acceptable like chanelling aggression into boxing or rugby.


Conscious Suppression

This is where someone channels a socially unacceptable trait or desire into something more acceptable like someone who likes playing with fire, becomes a firefighter as a job. 


Humour

To make jokes about something so as to deal with some negative feelings. Like joking about death





Things that commonly bring people back into therapy

It is likely that after an amount of Psychotherapy, you are more likely to manage many more of life's difficulties and manage them much better than before.  However,  sometimes,  just because life can be very difficult at times, something happens that supasses our capacity to cope or solve it and so before it does too much damage, it is good to get into therapy again so that it can be worked through in a healthier way rather than letting things build up. 


Some people attend therapy as wellbeing sessions fortnightly or monthly not because theyre struggling but part of a general healthy life maintenance.


The most likely things to bring you back to therapy are listed here.  The reason these are most likely to bring us back into therapy is because many of the following are things that happen TO us and are most likely to be the things that tip over our level of coping skill sets that we have naturally and or learned in therapy.


RELATIONSHIPS

Difficulties arise in our intimate relationship, Sexual Issues,

Relationship difficulties with Parents, children or friends. 
Relationships ending, or threatenning to end.


LOSS

This can be the loss of a house, pet, person, life style, health, Social Status or work status


SIGNIFICANT LIFE CHANGES

Changing workplace, Moving house, losing or changing a job, Retirement, Marriage, Menopause, Children leaving home, New partners


TRAUMA

What we experience as trauma can be from something that seems small to something very big that anyone would consider a trauma.  And some people manage great with huge traumas, dramas or experiences and yet do not manage well with something small.



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