Julie Morley, Personal Psychotherapist and Women's Stress Consultant
(MNCS Accred, Hyp.dip, dip.psysextherapy, Adv.dip.CP, )
Market Deeping, Peterborough, UK
Mob: 07761 065 726 Email: [email protected]
Enhancing your Relationship Pre-Sensate Exercise
If you are seeeing this page then it is likely that your relatinship is ready for a change in direction and has some space to add something new. Your new addition could be described as a pre- Sensate Focus exercise.
Your task is to introduce to your partner a regular time where you both spend a little time, from 20 minutes to up to an hour every week at a pre-arranged regular time EG Sunday night.
The angle is just a bit of fun. This is not a serious strict exercise and you are not to talk or discuss relationship issues or the day's stresses. You will need to stay only in the moment and focus on the here and now only.
Here it is:
During this time you are both to shower or bath together, wash each other.
Stay naked or close to it, or use a towel if we are particularly self conscious that day) and go to a pre-arranged comfy warm place together like the lounge rug or bed.
The person who is arranging this is to go first at stroking and touching each other.
The touch goal is about just feeling and sensing the other person but not aimed at giving or taking any sexual pleasure, it is also not to be a massage. (Avoid sexual areas so no touching of breasts or bottoms or genital areas).
After at least 5 minutes, swap over so the other person gets a turn.
Try to keep this excise light and fun and don't rush.
Person being touched: During this time, you are invited to feed back about the touch that is happening to you and whether it is too hard, too soft, too fast too slow and to point out when and what is good.
Person donig the touching: Don't take offence if you are encouraged to alter your touching. Keep communication open.
If one or both of you get sexually aroused, then stop the exercise at this time as this is a different experience to sex and we want to keep them separate.
If at any time anyone wants to stop, then gently tell the other person you need to break for a minute. The other person needs to NOT take this personally but allow the other person the freedom to withdraw.
The withdrawing person, take your space, allow yourself to settle and then let the other person know that you are ready to carry on or describe what you need instead. This could be a cuddle, just holding or you might feel you need to cover up or you may need to stop. (This can include if one or both of you get sexually aroused and it is too distracting)