Julie Morley   (MNCS Accred, Hyp.dip, dip.psysextherapy, Adv.dip.CP)

Personal Psychotherapist

Market Deeping, Peterborough, UK

Mob: 07761 065 726    Email: [email protected]

Personal Psychotherapy Practice

& Women's Stress Consultancy & Counselling

Thoughts or Conversations about having children

PRACTICALITIES

Can you commit the time to what they need?

Can you financially provide?

After 4-5 years theyre in school, what does work life look like before they start school (sleepless nights, nursery costs, part time, who stays home if kid is ill)

Where would you bring up a child, thinking ahead to schools

And environment/locality youd want them exposed to. (rural, urban, rough area, posh area).

As we know theres a lot of work involved and parents needs are often not met, especially in the early years, are both willing to go through that period?

Everyone needs support when they have kids, do you have supporters? Other family, Friends, or plan to go it alone and develop new friendships around this.


Changes

Thinking about lifestyle, how that would change.

Thinking of things youd have to sacrifice (holidays with mates, spontaneous cinema trips etc)

Things that would be added (would you be going out parents on days out, or take kids along to what you already do)

How many kids; What does a family of 1 child look like?  What does a family with 3 kids look like? Whats the plan there?


The Parent/s within us

  • Speak to other parents, do they like parenthood- some do some don’t particularly, even if theyre good at it.
  • Would you be the types who take toddlers abroad on holiday or go Butlins or Camping
  • If you decided to have kids, what would be the reasons? (leave legacy / invest in future of humans / to meet inner desire / to experience parenthood, to add to an already good relationship so family / home complete)
  • How might each person change as their parent part emerges and evolves
  • What if we don’t like the other persons parenting style
  • How might you resolve these differences
  • You will become part of an invisible 'parenting club', you might move in different circles.


The Relationship

  • Becoming a family instead of a couple and what this would mean to the relationship.
  • Is the bond strong enough to take the strain and are both OK with that if it goes wrong.


Personal Thoughts and considerations to think on

  • Did I ever think I would or wouldn't have kids, was it ever considered as a child or as an adult, changes of opinion through life?
  • If you chose NOT to start a family, what would you do instead? (Study, change partner, travel the world, become a laywer, get dogs, get into fast cars)... etc
  • You might change after having children.  Some say you have to grow up.  Some say attitudes and values alter. 
  • It has been suggested that having children means that the worst parts of yourself are shone right back in your face as kids go through life and develop based on how you are in the world.  How might this feel and are you ready for this.


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